Sometimes, I think people should be required to have a license to do things in public. The same way you are required to have a driver’s license to drive a car, maybe we could require people to have a grocery store license to maneuver the aisles, or an eating out license to go to a restaurant. Like a driver’s license, the applicant would be required to learn the rules of these public interactions – you don’t take up an entire aisle with your cart; tipping less than 20 percent is rarely an option – before they would be allowed to engage in them.
One of the most frustrating public activities I’d like to see this plan put into action for is riding mass transit. For some reason, people seem to arrive at a train or bus stop, and all common sense just flies up to the clouds. What is a schedule? What is a bus pass? Do I just flag the bus down? Will the bus drop me off at my house? This bus is full, but nobody should use the seat next to me, because then I have to put my bag on the ground.
I’ve come up with a list of pointers. You can think of it as a study guide for your “riding public transportation license” test.
Do some research.
A couple years ago after the Friday of Austin City Limits Festival, I was taking the bus home, when I realized that some people think of the bus as a glorified taxi. Rather than doing any research whatsoever – looking at the map at the bus stop, looking up the website on their smart phones, coming up with a plan before leaving the house – people would just get on a bus, ask the driver if it went near their house, then either sit down or get off the bus, depending on the answer.
In Austin, the bus drivers are so very nice and patient. Anywhere else, those riders would get an earful and a shove out the door. One driver even stopped for a couple of college kids who flagged him down not at a bus stop. They asked where the bus was going, didn’t like the answer and waved him on. Are you kidding me? Get a taxi if that’s how you want to get around. Otherwise, take some responsibility and do a little research about where you are, where you’re going and how to get there.
For the love of god, MOVE IN.
I was riding the MetroRail downtown one Saturday afternoon and didn’t know until I got on the train that it was the day of the Christmas tree lighting ceremony. Throngs of families from the suburbs were having their first-ever experience with public transportation and, oh joy, I was there to witness it. Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s great that these folks are leaving their gas guzzlers behind and introducing their children to public transportation. But again, where is the common sense?
We were getting on the train at Crestview, already a handful of stops into the line. There was room for folks to stand inside the train, in the aisles, but every person was crowded into the doorway. As we pushed on, a woman with a smug look kept loudly saying to everyone, “There is plenty of room inside the train,” in that exhausted voice you use to chide children. After the third time she said it to all of us who couldn’t get into the train because she and the rest of the airheads were blocking the door, I yelled at her, “Then go there! Move in!” I admit, I lost my patience, and the bus-riding New Englander came out. But what on Earth could this woman have been thinking? You get on the bus or the train and you move back. Every time, you move all the way to the back. That is the rule. Now you know. Just to reiterate: you don’t block the door, you move to the back.
Take up as little room as possible.
This is a rule everyone should learn and practice every single time they set foot out of their house – stop taking up so much room. Especially on a crowded bus, what are you doing with a backpack strapped on, standing with your legs spread, blocking the aisle? If you’re wearing a large bag, purse or backpack, take it off when you get on the bus. Hold it down, between your knees in front of you or put it in your lap if you’re sitting. Under almost no circumstance is it OK to take up the seat next to you with a bag; that’s what your lap, the floor in front of you and the area under your seat is for. The seat next to you is for someone else’s butt. And speaking of that seat, don’t be the jerk who takes the aisle seat, leaving the window seat empty but making people climb over you to get in it. Unless you’re over 6’4” tall, there’s no reason you can’t sit in the window seat.
Nobody wants to listen to you.
Have you ever gotten onto a bus and said, “Gee, I really hope someone tells me their life story while I’m trying to quietly read this book after working nine hours”? No, you either? If someone has headphones in, a book or magazine open or is making a conscious effort to avoid eye contact with all humans, just leave them alone. They aren’t on the bus to make friends; they’re on the bus to get home. That goes for too-loud music as well. Nobody wants to listen to the music blasting from your phone, headphones or, in rare instances, boom box. Have some respect for your fellow human beings and hush, y’all.
The bottom line when it comes to riding public transportation is to have a little self-awareness. For some reason, that’s a hard thing for most; rather than seeing themselves as tiny parts to one whole, people are too busy thinking only about what they want or need or what affects them. It takes a well-oiled machine to make the wheels on the bus go round and round comfortably for everyone, so pay attention to what you’re doing next time you’re on the bus. And then maybe you can be a deputy “out in public” license granter.
Cover photo courtesy Athene_Numphe on Flickr.
