Tips for Tubing

So you’ve decided to go tubing. Well, it’s about time. One of the secrets to having an enjoyable tubing experience is to be prepared … mostly by having enough beer. Read on for more secrets to a tube-tastic day.

1. Don’t bring anything you don’t want to lose. Last year, I took off my water shoes to vainly avoid getting a tan line on my feet and lost one of my shoes. I had to go around barefoot the rest of the day. All the beer I drank made me bloated, so I looked barefoot and pregnant coming out of the river. Classy.




2. Save your voice. You’re gonna be yelling. A lot. Whether it’s just a simple “wheee!” as you go over a rapid or you join the chorus of “whooooooo!” that can be heard for miles around, you’ll need your voice. You should probably go 24 hours without speaking before tubing and then do some vocal exercises the morning of, just to make sure you’re ready.




3. Get more beer. Think you have enough? You’re wrong. There’s no such thing as “enough beer” on the river. Even if you don’t drink it all, you can use it as a bargaining tool to get other treats. Beer is currency on the river.




4. Slather on some high SPF, waterproof sunscreen before you put in. All that beer is going to make you forget that you’re on an inner-tube, baking in the sun for several hours, like a turkey cooking on a car hood.




5. Don’t forget your beer coozie! The beer coozie is to keep your beer cold and to let other river-dwellers know your personal opinions. My favorite coozies say “Don’t look at me, it’s not my kid” and “Born to fish, forced to work,” because those two statements sum up my life. There’s not much to my life.




6. An essential supply – rope. The rope is to tie the tube with the beer cooler in it securely to the most responsible person in your party. And by responsible, I mean the one who drinks the least. You don’t want to get halfway down the river just to realize that your cooler guardian drank all of the beer and is now stuck on a rock somewhere.




7. Remember, it’s a party. The soundtrack to tubing is a lot of screaming, coupled with early 2000s dude rock and pop country. I know, I know, but just go with it. The amazing people-watching alone is worth having to listen to Nickelback.




8. Bring a bag for empty cans. Nobody likes a Littering Larry, least of all the wildlife that calls the river home.